Bouquet De Nerfs

Bouquet De Nerfs ( Sleeping beauty has called off negotiations. )

Munch Rants

Reblogged from cheyanneperry

crohnsandarthritis:

I don’t understand why people say they’re sometimes grateful for everything their illness has taught them.

Honestly? I’d 110% rather not have learned the things that I have if it means being healthy. I think not having that knowledge is much better than not sleeping because of pain. I think not having that knowledge is better than sobbing in your car because of the pain.

Sometimes I just really hate my life. And I’m sorry if that offends you or bothers you. I really just really hate it.

I think if it offends people then they need to check themselves. Being chronically ill is not pretty, despite all the flowery ads on television of people gardening and enjoying their lives with the aid of drugs who’s possible side effects include fatigue, infection, cancers, blindness, and COMPLETE AND TOTAL DEATH. Let a cute puppy run across the screen and nobody will notice that you might bleed to death from your colon while taking this. Hell, you might do that without the medication.

I woke up today with my right foot and left elbow paralyzed with pain. I mentally rehearsed what I’d tell my doctor if she asked what it felt like. ” Have you ever been hit really hard in the joints with a hammer? No? Then I’m sorry, I have no other basis for comparison for you.”

I’m exhausted all the time. I don’t look good. I’ve aged 20 years in the last five, my pain literally wearing lines into my face. It SUCKS. There’s no other word for it. If you can be happy having learned some mystical knowledge from your illness then my god, I am so happy for you. I really really am. I wish that we could all take something beautiful away from it.

Here’s what I’ve learned.

1. People generally do not give a shit how you feel. They will forget the next day that you are still ill, that you are always ill. They will tell you - hey, if you need anything, let me know. And when you call on them, they will not be there. 

2. You become a drain on everyone who DOES stick around. You have no choice. You need help. You have to learn to accept help and it’s not always nice.

3. Your knowledge of medical jargon become suddenly immense. You learn to deal with every new and disgusting thing that your body does and will do, no matter how gross it is. No matter how painful.

4. Doctors are not always your friend. In fact, in my experience, they are rarely your friend. You are their paycheck. You have to fight when you are in no state to fight. And people will say stupid shit like - just keep fighting, you have to keep fighting, and you will want to punch them because you are so fooking tired of fighting. You want a nap. You don’t want a battle.

5. Your emotional state changes as drastically as your physical state. You are a whole new person of craziness and depression. You might not recognize yourself anymore. You might get suicidal. You might get worse than suicidal.

6. Unless they are also chronically ill, people will not understand. They won’t understand how you feel, what you go through, how you have to live, or the overwhelming horror that your life is.

7. Not all of us have a bright side. Don’t tell me everyone has one or any of that bullshit. Sometimes there just isn’t one. Sometimes things don’t get better. Sometimes they do. Sometimes we just want to be able to say - This is my life, and my life SUCKS. And sometimes we don’t want anyone to say anything else about it. 

Hide notes

  1. x-ladylolilith reblogged this from hapfairy and added:
    True… Though bipolar people/people with intense mood swings can be so happy for having it while feeling manic :/ like...
  2. hapfairy reblogged this from princessejuliedenetzach and added:
    The one I always hated the most was people saying they’d love to have my illness so they could be skinny. No. No you...
  3. princessejuliedenetzach reblogged this from relajatemiamor and added:
    The worst aren’t those people… I mean, they are “lucky” if they’re happy they are sick, even though I don’t understand...
  4. degenderate reblogged this from thiscouldmakeyouhappy
  5. thiscouldmakeyouhappy reblogged this from drcormiayyy and added:
    When I’m in remission, I can’t remember the pain. And when I’m in pain, I can’t remember what its like to feel OK. It...
  6. sick-sexy-snarky reblogged this from drcormiayyy and added:
    For the most part I do agree with this. All of these points are 100% true. I say that I am grateful for my illness...
  7. hannah-va reblogged this from wisheezy
  8. shanghailil said: Thanks for saying this. I feel exactly the same.
  9. coldplay-on-my-wayward-son reblogged this from cheyanneperry and added:
    actually, i think i’d be smarter, because if i was healthy, i would probably be in grad school or something instead of...
  10. cheyanneperry reblogged this from bittersnurr
  11. other-worlds reblogged this from panic-button-collector and added:
    Trust me I get what you’re saying. Having a chronic illness sucks because most people don’t understand what it means to...
  12. fogbloggingg reblogged this from munchflower
  13. munchflower reblogged this from cheyanneperry and added:
    I think if it offends people then they need to check themselves. Being chronically ill is not pretty, despite all the...
  14. philosophica-dea reblogged this from lifewithautoimmune and added:
    ^agreed^
  15. bittersnurr reblogged this from chronicallyscrewed and added:
    Not to mention the lessons I have learned have made me a more hateful bitter person because it has taught me mostly what...
  16. ooootie reblogged this from thelamedame
  17. thelamedame reblogged this from relajatemiamor and added:
    such is the nature of enlightenment; it doesn’t come easy, and it’s not something you can just give back, undo, or wish...
  18. relajatemiamor reblogged this from chronicallyscrewed
  19. lifewithautoimmune reblogged this from chronicallyscrewed
  20. partyweetow said: In a perfect world, we wouldn’t have to know pain, despite what it can teach us, but this isn’t a perfect world, so I think it’s just another way of coping.
  21. panic-button-collector reblogged this from romulusreigns

People I Follow

  • grenadewithcurls
  • thedailybeard
  • l3ucky
  • moriarty
  • double-fierce
  • squidsqueen
  • slashluvr
  • stevegfuckingrogers
  • min-el-garaib
  • battery-s
  • chronically-cute
  • qhost-qirl
  • lostinthesilentepidemic
  • durnesque-esque
  • avexl
  • did-you-kno
  • meisterful
  • make-up-is-an-art
  • karminaburana
  • fatbottomedgal
  • naomi-makes-art73
  • giidas
  • iffied
  • ihatekiyotakaishimaru
  • md-means-musical-doctor
  • narunfiltered
  • makeupbag
  • moniquill
  • spicegirlbritty
  • syn-vi-l
  • fdelopera
  • crimescenecandy
  • alvadee
  • compassclubs
  • april-fourth
  • daydreamingmisfit
  • lollypops-and-candycanes
  • leth4lity
  • psych2go
  • houseoftombombadil
  • littlemebigheart
  • dailylifewithchronicillness
  • kateordie
  • ghosttrickofficial
  • thedeathofmyredlizard
  • satyrday
  • georgetakei
  • everybodyilovedies
  • petrichoriousparalian
  • bheidh
  • shingekinojaegerbomb
  • eddietg
  • theeverydaygoth
  • kashmirkikali
  • zombiebaby80
  • team-joebama
  • uncondition-ally
  • stophatingyourbody
  • p0okie
  • gingerchaos25
  • sn-93
  • kittenball
  • grimly-fiendish
  • themelodiesofmidnight
  • dysanic
  • gwenimalist
  • thefrogman
  • fishingboatproceeds
  • onabicyclefortwo
  • selfmadesuperhero
  • tranchefiles
  • myactualass
  • megachiropteran
  • coffeecatscake
  • readalfa
  • omgthatdress
  • theflesh76
  • thebicker
  • dandeliondaisy
  • shitrichcollegekidssay
  • phananigans
  • theglassscastle
  • houseofsighs
  • tontosgiantnuts
  • dammit-deedle
  • rumpelstiltskinned
  • teasingfool
  • nintenbro64
  • fridayfelts
  • rappoems
  • whatshouldwecallchronicillness
  • carnouflagee
  • turntablesinhereyes
  • loup-garou
  • hautemacabre
  • drerra
  • jedicathy
  • becauseitspeople
  • staff
  • dreaming-my-way
  • lalala4whatever
  • laughingatmynightmare
  • kada-bura
  • arcaneimages
  • humphreyking
  • flyingsaucerblues
  • sarahlynnnnnn
  • isometimesironmyshirts
  • evaduplanart
  • poigneedeporte
  • dailyholzer
  • -redux
  • joereka
  • darlingmacabre
  • thoughts-of-an-x-factor
  • mabersan
  • fucknosexistcostumes
  • nikkfit
  • eschergirls
  • coldonex
  • ehlersdanlossupport
  • newbeatnik
  • sparrowhawkstilllives
  • savageleewriting
  • markruffalo
  • casillasontheprairie
  • modmad
  • muirin007
  • fuckyeahfieldsofthenephilim
  • terseink
  • fuckyeahtattoos
  • obscure-etymology
  • clientsfromhell
  • jaxfiore
  • kooky-zebra
  • beatonna
  • tripperfunsters
  • prettysickart
  • opiumeyes
  • raggetymanftw
  • mwuannah
  • lostinmyowncontradictions
  • crazylittlelovewefound
  • byelines
  • chronicallyvegan
  • that-one-girl-js
  • aliisonify
  • icantescapethisplaceitsinmymind
  • chronicillnessproblems
  • shitmystudentswrite
  • textsfrombennett
  • heroin-she-said
  • fuck-you-dinkleburg
  • oatmealdust
  • j0hn-wats0n
  • youraveragenerd95
  • chronicallykatie
  • panwaffles
  • frustracion-total
  • tragedyseries
  • imayfademydear
  • irishzebramel
  • beautifullybirdy
  • misha-trollins
  • cholacrayola
  • misspixnmix
  • zombikaze
  • bearplayingasaxophone
  • neil-gaiman
  • suchekomnaty
  • mysterium-esoterica
  • wtffanfiction
  • johncalhounwasright
  • marcomazzoni
  • disillistrationalmess
  • geekorice
  • aristocraticelegance
  • no-celebration
  • didyouknowcomics
  • thiscityisjaded
  • youaint-seen-nothingyet
  • flirtwithme-at221b-tardistoo
  • deadly-demii-tea
  • allbutspeechless
  • mylarcaps
  • coeus-polus
  • sexpunk
  • facelesssnamelessacquaintance
  • j-r-morgan
  • liquor-n-love-lost
  • prettyshark91
  • tohdaryl
  • tomgilmour
  • truskawkastylebaby
  • porcelainpoet
  • unacceptablepanties
  • nachtzehrer
  • ev4rsinking
  • simsgonewrong
  • fitlust
  • bustygirlcomics
  • artemiswisdom
  • radiumskull
  • tennantbatch
  • generationscum
  • reinedelaseine14
  • incurablehiccup
  • acid-trip
  • hiding-underneath
  • awkwardstockphotos
  • alexandria-noel
  • likeplasticonthefire
  • evamayha
  • appendectomy
  • paaavstand
  • theexorcist
  • lovefromyourginger
  • daniivampi
  • eyeh8gawd
  • dreaming-thing
  • bitchesgottaeat
  • theavengersshouldnttext
  • earthinferno
  • icodeforlove
  • the-index-sequence
  • world-government
  • i-wear-this-chaos-well
  • dstiletto
  • give-me-hope-in-the-darkness
  • fuckyeahstony
  • ehlersdanloswarrior
  • gospelhauntedblues
  • thehawkeyeinitiative
  • nerdyfacts
  • aspiegurl
  • nevemindthebollocks
  • whatdonnaforgot
  • kisstheparadox
  • stillphosphor
  • obscurenomad
  • revelation2220
  • cheyanneperry
  • stony-stark
  • payitforwardforme
  • merilizzie
  • other-wordly
  • mansplainingryan
  • itstherealsatan
  • barackobama
  • raenikki
  • whatevermickie
  • allthebestdreams
  • ionlybelieveinlove-archive
  • chronicillnesscat
  • bodhikalisattva
  • thewolfandshepherd
  • cecilsofcolour
  • adelened
  • edsaware1
  • x---x--x
  • corduroyandgin
  • robotgrizzlybearastronaut
  • queendaeny
  • shaggyzed
  • thedailywhat
  • saygoodnight2theworld
  • discopomp
  • stfuconservatives
  • katza
  • west-ofthesun
  • fyeahpoisonelves
  • fishistheword
  • kaitmarie
  • philmosophy
  • strangersintheroad
  • yoursickkiss
  • shaalwyd
  • everimperial
  • besttumblr
  • zombiecaminante
  • doilooklikeafuckingunicorn
  • rigsbyusa
  • technicolourscars
  • needlesslycrunk
  • the-stylish
  • theblogwhocan
  • dominicdraven
  • agentooq
  • myfellowvermin
  • texturesource
  • showers-tosmiles
  • katalyst-soul
  • theprincesshitherpostlimit
  • whitepeoplemourningromney
  • heydnicole
  • riffy-raffy
  • everythingwillbeokayoneday
  • gallicgalaxy
  • terseinkandtreeskin
  • fuckyeahjeanettewinterson